Christmas Traditions

As I was looking at my oldest daughter, 4 year old, I was thinking back to Christmas past. About all the family traditions we had when we were younger. I think its plain awesome that I get to do the same thing for my girls.

When I was a kid we had a wide variety of “country” things we did for Christmas. Dad and I used to go to the woods and shoot mistletoe out of the trees with a .22 rifle. We would get together with our family every Christmas eve and exchange gifts. We would always have a great meal, with steaks, baked potatoes, salads, and rolls (we still do this to this day). Someone would always read the Christmas story in Matthew every Christmas Eve.

We do new things with our girls but we do honor tradition as well. We started the Elf on the Shelf tradition this year. We decorate our tree with ornaments that help us remember Jesus when we look at our tree. We drive to Evansville, IN every year for the Fantasy of Lights and drink hot chocolate as we enjoy the lights. We gather around the tree every Christmas Eve and read the Christmas Story in Matthew and we put baby Jesus in the manger before we go to bed. We also sprinkle reindeer food around the outside of our house so Santa can find it.

I also remember Christmas traditions we had in church when I was young. The hanging of the greens that the kids did every year putting the ornaments on the tree. The advent candle lighting every Sunday until Christmas. Santa visiting and handing out bags of fruit, gum and candy to the kids. And when I was in youth group, going caroling to all of the elderly and shut ins of our church. I remember that with very fond memories. How their eyes would light up that the “young people” of the church would come and see them.

This year I was at a disadvantage coming into my youth group. I was the new guy and had a years worth of youth ministry to plan out in a month. So we did not have any new or old Christmas traditions that we did this year. Next year though I’ve already planned a caroling trip, handing out hot chocolate at the Christmas parade, and other ways to remember that Christmas is about giving! Christ hung on a cross 2000 years ago and gave us the ultimate gift! Eternal life and a closer relationship with God! Salvation is a wonderful thing and let’s not be a scrooge this year! Let us share that gift with those around us!

I am also curious! What Christmas Traditions if any do you have with your youth group? I would love to hear them! Email me when you can your traditions at madisonvillerunner@yahoo.com. Next week I will post some of them on here as guest posts! Merry Christmas from Pastor Kev and family! God Bless my friends and just keep swimming!

The Importance of Family Ministry

Family ministry, if you follow youth ministry trends, is trending now. I think that this is well warranted too! I had an interaction that forever changed my views on this subject.

I had a young woman in my youth ministry that was graduating high school and was about to make the big transition to college. We had a time honored tradition of honoring the graduates at the church with a special service and since I had been youth pastor there we had a funny and moving slideshow of pictures of the graduating youth throughout their life. Like years past I assembled a great slide show, this teen was particularly close to my wife (a volunteer in the youth ministry) and we purchased her some special gifts to present her with. It appeared like this event was going to be our best ever, I even imagined the older folks of the church that knew her needing tissues for their tears. Was I ever wrong!

The problem started with the timing.  The church had always done the slideshow and presentation first, before the main worship service started. The teen’s mother called her and stated she was on her way but running late. The church was pressing me to get started. I asked the young woman what she wanted to do and due to the fact that she was mad at her mother for being late she told me to start. Unfortunately I did. I told myself, “Well she knew what time we were starting. She knew to be here.”

The mother showed up half way into the sermon and left as fast as she got there. A member of the church told me she was sitting in the lobby and wondered if I would speak to her. I went out and was ill prepared for the emotions I faced in the ensuing conversation with her. Past hurts and scars caused by other churches and our own church rose up and I attempted to unpack them and counsel her.

That day I learned that if I had been as diligent about caring for my youth’s parents I would have already dealt with this situation before it ever happened. I just assumed that was the lead pastor’s job not mine. My job description included hours of Halo, countless Hacky sack games, and meaningful moments with teens, not parents.

We forget sometimes as youth pastors, God does not call us to be the primary discipler of teens. He calls their parents to raise them in the faith. I want to HIGHLY recommend a book to you. “Reinventing Youth Ministry: Again” by Wayne Rice is a TREMENDOUS book on how to do family ministry and why to do family ministry in youth ministry. I won’t unpack or quote the book here to keep this as short as possible but this is a must read.

My first priority after establishing myself with the teens in my new church is getting a parents ministry up and running. I want to know whose parents go to our church, whose parents are divorced, whose parents are not Christian and have ill feelings toward the church, and whose parents need to be encouraged and strengthened in their role as discipler. I want to take the parents on this youth ministry journey with their teens, I want them to know what rofl and lol and smh mean. Why it’s important to know what Lady Gaga is doing now and how it will affect their child.

If you currently do not have a form of family ministry as part of your youth ministry I want to encourage you. It’s not too late to start! I will also plead with you, start one now, before you have an experience like mine and are left with the devastation of a parent’s broken heart to deal with. Until next time peeps, just keep swimming!

Facebook

            Facebook! Can you even remember a time when Facebook was not a word in common usage? I think it may even qualify as a Scrabble word! Being slightly tech savvy and attempting to include every available technological advancement to my advantage in youth ministry, I have had a youth ministry presence on Facebook since the beginning of my youth ministry journey. I recently read an article that made me scratch my head. It was written and posted by a nationally recognized youth ministers network and was titled “5 risks of using Facebook to connect with students.” I read it and thought “Really?” At first I was intrigued to see what they had to say but by the end I thought that was a little silly. Here are the 5 points that they listed.

1: Boundaries become fuzzy: They stated that Facebook, due to the feeling of privacy you get behind a computer screen, can cause you to get a little friendly and “cheeky” with students when you might not normally be like that. Okay if by “cheeky” you mean flirty then I’m great that was exposed on the public forum of Facebook! You have no business in youth ministry. I will admit that you can become more of a friend then a mentor because of the general nature of Facebook; however some youth ministers strive to become a friend and a trusted confidant with their students.

2: Connecting becomes private: Yes I agree with the author in that, direct messages are private and not out there for everyone to see. However there is this thing called a screen shot and this thing called a printer. Print off the messages. I have a rule that if a student direct messages me then I reply by posting on their wall to keep the conversation public. If it is something they want to discuss in private then I ask for either their parents or the senior pastor to be involved in the conversation. The same argument could be used for text messages, email, and even good ole snail mail. The main thing is to keep good records!

3: Guessing becomes knowing: This was the most ridiculous of the arguments. The author states that instead of “guessing” which of our students are living the Christian life, we know what they struggles and sins are. Hello? Is that not the point of youth ministry? I want to know my students struggles so that I can counsel and help them! If I know I have a student dealing with a porn addiction I can custom tailor my counseling to that student. As a youth minister if you are naïve enough to think you have perfect church angels in your youth ministry you need to find another ministry calling, maybe children’s ministry though may problems faced by teens in my generation are being faced by children as young as ten now.

4: Private becomes public: The author states our sins come out in the open when we post a like of a show that has a lot of sexual content or post a YouTube video with cuss words in it and this could get us in trouble. Well duh! If you think your students and their parents are not checking you out on Facebook you better wake up! They are checking you out to make sure you are living what you teach. I heard a story of a female youth ministry volunteer who posed for a picture in some very risqué, next to nothing, clothing with a cigar and a bottle of whiskey in her hand. She was dismissed from the youth ministry. I agree! If you think that Facebook picture is not viewed by everyone in your church think again. Facebook is almost like the ultimate accountability software.

5: Personal becomes work-related: This one I will agree with whole heartedly. When you do put yourself out there for a Facebook ministry, the once personal area of your life on Facebook with your real friends will now be work-related.

I believe that the pros of having a youth ministry Facebook presence outweigh the risks. Most of these risks are just related to youth ministry. Youth ministers must hold and be held accountable, if it be on Facebook or just in their general youth ministry. With every technological advancement in youth ministry there will be those who use the same sad arguments. I’m sure when email was first being used in youth ministry to youth ministers to connect with their students these same arguments were made. So in closing my friends hold yourself accountable, keep immaculate records of your conversations, and don’t shy away from using Facebook to greatly benefit your knowledge of youth culture and aide in communicating with your students. Until next time, just keep swimming!